Effective Communication at Work: Are you Listening?

THE ESSENCE OF COMMUNICATION

Communication can be viewed as one of the most important skills in life.

So what is it really?

A known definition (Kreitner & Kinicki) suggests that communication transfers intended meanings from person to person. Herein lies the inherent problem i.e. “intended”.

This problem was well articulated by sports promoter and author Mark McCormack who stated that “... the problem with communication is the illusion that it has been achieved.”

You will all have heard the comment “I’m sure they got it (received, understood, responded to a voice message or email etc.)” It happens often.

That is why the old adage:“Don’t ass-u-me”is the best safeguard against this problem

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The bottom line is we need to confirm that our messages are understood by our audience, and it is our (as the communicators’) responsibility to do so.

Another insight on the nature of communication is that "You cannot not communicate" (Paul Watzlawick).

It essentially means that all behaviour, even silence or inaction, conveys a message.

"Effective communication in the workplace isn’t just about speaking clearly; it's about ensuring your message is heard and understood" – Sheryl Sandberg.

I recently facilitated a group session on the topic of “Active listening and Effective communication skills” and I asked my participants who they rated as an excellent communicator.

The responses ranged from Donald Trump to Martin Luther King but interestingly most referred to someone in their personal and family circles who had listened and positively influenced their lives through their uplifting messages

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The rest of the group process and discussion cast a light on some of the aspects that we all forget about in our communication particularly during a working day (as the above quote reminds us) and I will focus on some of these insights in this month’s article.

Whether intentional or not, every interaction is a form of communication and so we are in a continuous communication loop.

An important example of this is implied in the English saying“silence means consent”.

The idea here is that if you don't disagree, you automatically agree.

Keeping quiet is the same as giving permission. Many of us, if we are honest, can sometimes communicate via our “silence".

It is often the easy but less effective way out in the long run.

In practical terms, simple issues/matters can be communicated by a written memo or email; the most complicated issues will require the highest level of communication medium i.e. face to face communication.

Continuing with the sender-message-receiver model above, we come to the receiver (audience) component which can further distort the communication process.

Besides the demographic factors affecting the sender mentioned above, we have the biases and stereotypes of the receiver in the form of what is known as “cognitive distortions” i.e. overgeneralising, magnification and minimising (exaggerations), mindreading etc.

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION

If we look at the basic 3-part communication model comprising the sender, sending a message to a receiver and thereafter the feedback back to the sender, then it is evident that there is potential for noise and distortion in each of the 3 major components i.e. sender, message and receiver, e.g. the demographics and characteristics of sender e.g. the race, nationality, culture, religion, physical appearance and disabilities of the sender can disqualify him or her before they can even deliver the message.

Then there is the message itself which can vary in complexity and comprehensibility, depending on the communication skill of the sender. Also the media used to deliver the message is a big factor nowadays with many people relying on the various social media to communicate.

In my role as a psychologist who also does marriage counseling over many years, I have of late become both bemused and exasperated to hear how many of the couples that I see use WhatsApp to communicate about difficult and complex issues, problems and situations in their marriages and then are surprised when their messages are misconstrued, talk about a recipe for failure!

The reason for this is evident if we look at the classic research done by Albert Mehrabian on the impact of a message.

He found that only 7% of the impact of a message was due to its content (the actual message) while 38% was due to one’s tone of voice while the bulk of the effect (55%) was due to non-verbal body language (which is not available on WhatsApp)!

So the communication error that many of us make nowadays, is choosing the wrong communication medium to communicate our messages.

A general rule of thumb here is that the more complex an issue is, the more the need for a richer communication medium.

In practical terms, simple issues/matters can be communicated by a written memo or email; the most complicated issues will require the highest level of communication medium i.e. face to face communication.

Continuing with the sender-message-receiver model above, we come to the receiver (audience) component which can further distort the communication process.

Besides the demographic factors affecting the sender mentioned above, we have the biases and stereotypes of the receiver in the form of what is known as “cognitive distortions” i.e.

overgeneralising, magnification and minimizing (exaggerations), mind reading etc.

But perhaps the biggest “mental filter” to the effectiveness of our communications is our attitude.

Steven Covey, the well-known author of the highly acclaimed The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People said:

"At the root of most communication problems are perception or credibility problems. None of us see the world as it is but as we are, as our frames of reference, or "maps," define the territory."

He goes on further to say: "Each of the people involved thinks he sees the world as it is rather than he /she is... his/her attitude is this:“If you disagree with me, in my eyes, you are automatically wrong, simply because I’m sure that I’m right.”

Thus we can often be undone in our communication by our inherent ego centrism, autobiography and sometimes narcissism.

So, amidst all these potential communication pitfalls and landmines, what can we do?

EMPATHIC LISTENING — THE WAY FORWARD

In his chapter entitled“Seek first to understand, then to be understood”,Covey goes on to say :

“If you want to interact effectively with me... your boss, your coworker, your friend—you first need to understand me.”

In order to do this we have to listen. Few people, however, experience or undergo any training in listening and yet it is one of the four pillars of communication—the others being reading, writing and speaking.

The challenge for many of us is that we don’t listen to understand but rather listen to reply; we are either speaking or preparing to speak.

We expect to be understood but we don’t make the effort to understand.

Our conversations become monologues which are consequently ignored or lose their impact.

There are four levels of listening, namely:

1. Ignoring the other person

2. Pretending to listen

3. Selective listening

4. Attentive listening

Covey suggests, however, that we go on further to a fifth level, namely empathic listening, listening with the intent to understand.

This form of listening attempts to understand the other person’s frame of reference — you see the world as they would see it, which displays empathy.

This needs to be differentiated from sympathy which can be a form of judgement.

In empathic listening you don’t have to agree with the other person, you just understand them fully at an intellectual and emotional level.

If we translate all this into the Medical model, we need to diagnose (using our listening skills) before we can prescribe.

You wouldn’t have confidence in the GP’s or Specialists prescription if you didn’t have confidence in their diagnosis.

This is critical for all true professionals whether you are in the Medical field or not.

CONCLUSION

So, in conclusion, the challenge is to bring empathy into our communications (and presentations and pitches as well).

Understand the other point of view as well as its proponents and then seek to have your perspective understood from their frame of reference.

It’s worth a try!

Acknowledgements:Covey, S.R. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. (Simon & Schuster)

Tony de Gouveia is a Clinical Psychologist and Resilience Coach in Private Practice at the Akeso and Life Brackenview Clinics in Alberton.He is the founder of the Positive Psychology Group (PPG) in Johannesburg and has made numerous presentations on the topic of Positive Psychology and Resilience.